Do me a favor

Please vote. I don't really care who you vote for, as long as you have thought through your decision. Don't vote knee-jerk. Don't vote for someone you know is corrupt. Don't vote for anyone who has lied to you. Don't vote for anyone you're certain wouldn't hold your values as important. Don't vote based on what the worst thing their opponent said about them was. Don't stoop to that level. And please, for the love of God, don't vote based on stupid rhetorical nonsense, like the Kerry thing. Because if you're going to take what Kerry said at face value and believe that he actually believes all of America's troops are stupid, you have to believe the words our President has spoken:

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.-- President George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

But please vote. There are 600,000 of us who don't get that opportunity, by design, and never will unless we leave our homes.

Civics Lesson

(From the "Seems-Simple-Enough- But-Gets-Awfully-Smelly- If-You-Think-About-It" Department)

Scene 1: The Encounter. May 10. Department of Justice (DoJ) knocks on the door of the office of National Security Agency (NSA)

NSA: [from behind door] Yes?

DoJ: It's Justice.

NSA: Come in. [DoJ opens door.] Have a seat. [DoJ steps in hesitantly, then steps forward, stumbling over a table near the door. More bumbling, stumbling.] Oh, right. I forgot. You're blind. [Remains seated.]

DoJ: I'll just stand.

NSA: Suit yourself.

DoJ: Hi. I'm here to investigate the warrantless wiretap program to see if it was conducted legally and within the limits imposed by the Fourth Amendment of our Constitution.

NSA: No.

DoJ: No? But I'm Justice!

NSA: Do you know the ultra-double-super-dooper secret code word?

DoJ: No.

NSA: Do you know any code words?

DoJ: No.

NSA: Ah. Then I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of this office, myself, or this conversation.

DoJ: Huh. [Beat.] Okay. [Beat. Looks expectantly to NSA to continue the thought or something.] Right. Well, I want to ask you about the program —

NSA: Good day.

DoJ: I'm sorry.

NSA: I said, "Good day."

DoJ: So, that's it? You're not going to let me ask you any questions about —

NSA: Good day.

DoJ: Ok, wait. You said something about a code word, right?

NSA: I can't confirm or deny I said any such thing.

DoJ: I know you did! It just happened! [NSA stares.] If I got one of these code word thingies, would you be able to talk to me then?

NSA: [A beat. Then...] Perhaps.

DoJ: Hot dog! Now we're getting somewhere. Now, where might I be able to get one of those code words?

NSA: I might have some here in my desk. Or I might not. I'm not confirming or denying the existence of this desk, by the way.

DoJ: I know.

NSA: Just so we're clear.

DoJ: So, how can I get a code word?

NSA: Have you tried asking?

DoJ: [Jackpot. Broad smile.] Hi. I would like to request a code word.

NSA: [Considers briefly.] No.

DoJ: What?!? Why not?

NSA: Good day.

DoJ: Wait! Why can't I have a code word?

NSA: I'm sorry. That's classified.

DoJ: Pretty please?

NSA: Good day.

DoJ: Er... okay. Good day.

NSA: Good day.

DoJ: [swivelling head about] Do you think you could tell me where the door is? I got a bit turned around when I came in here.

NSA: I'm sorry. That's classified.

[DoJ turns to leave, stumbles on approximately the same route in reverse to exit. Lights fade on the shin-busting hilarity. ]

Scene 2: The Press Conference. May 11. DoJ and Mainstream Media (MSM) are sitting at a table at an outdoor cafe. DoJ is lovingly feeding bits of cake to MSM, which MSM eats seductively. They coo.

DoJ: ...and then the jerk wouldn't even help me to the door! The nerve!

MSM: I'm sorry, baby. And he wouldn't tell you why you were being denied?

DoJ: As I stated, he wouldn't even tell me where the door was!

MSM: Huh. I feel like I should be asking more questions, but I'm just held in awe of your courage in this plight.

DoJ: Yeah. It's hard work.

MSM:
Want a couple of softballs today?

DoJ: Mmmm, that sounds lovely.

Scene 3: The Argument. May 16. Split stage. Pentagon (DoD) and Office of Personnel Managment (OPM) sit opposite each other at their respective desks, on their respective phones. A gulf of darkness separates them.

OPM: Dammit! You said yourself that you'd throw some extra my way if I took care of your clearance problems.

DoD: And?

OPM: And!? You signed a contract, for the love of George! You owe me!

DoD: You ungrateful whelp! I oughta come over there and box your ears.

OPM: Look, it's very simple. You need to get these new employees their clearances. You asked me to handle the checks for them. You agreed, in return, to pay a fee for this service. It's pay-to-play around here, buster. You don't pony up, I'll just come over there and take the money myself.

DoD: You and what army? [Finds himself funny.]

OPM: Fine. That's the way you want it? I'm cutting you off. No more clearances.

DoD: [Scoffs.] You can't do that. You'd be helping the terrorists. The folks we've hired for these positions need the clearances to see the untranslated documents and whatnot.

OPM: Seems to me we're at an impasse.

DoD: Why do you hate America?

OPM: Uh-uh. That ain't working on me, buster. 'O, but why would you want to defraud your own government?'

DoD: You pansy-ass punk!

[Great crash of thunder. OPM and DoD look skyward to see The Government Accountability Office (Ineptus Ex Machina, IEM) descending upon a chariot from Heaven. Much hubbub until Ineptus Ex Machina alights from the cart to the stage.]

IEM: [Grandly.] I have seen your squabble. I have come for judgement. I shall arbitrate. [Regards both parties.] I will now hear the grievances. You first.

OPM: This jackass won't pay—

IEM: ENOUGH! And you?

DoD: We need the clearances—

IEM: IT IS FINISHED! [Thundercrash.] I shall deliver judgement. [Blackout.]

Scene 4: The Runkus. April 9. The Nefarioso and The Decider are on comfy chairs The Decider is looking around. The Nefarioso stares straight ahead. Neither is well-lit. A Random Person brings in two mugs and a pitcher and sets them on a table next to the Nefarioso, then leaves.

DECIDER: Slooben booble runkus ipar frandle doodle. [Points at the sky.] Grell?

NEFARIOSO: Yes. [Pours pitch black, bubbling liquid into mugs, hands one to The Decider.] Drink up.

DECIDER: Lopo ignit frenk rimpant dee frontus evil-doers! Chump chump chump dronk reeble. [Drinks.] Are you sure this is good for me?

NEFARIOSO: Yes.

DECIDER: Poot rentle jiggle ret, wert er glup nuke evil-doers!

NEFARIOSO: Yes. And when she asks about investigating the spying,... you're going to say...

DECIDER: [blinks] Nuke!

NEFARIOSO: [Smacks The Decider in the face.] Dammit! Repeat after me...

Scene 5: The Decision. June 31. IEM, OPM and DoD exactly as before.

[Time passes while IEM looks at DoD, then at OPM, then stares off into space. Rinse and repeat. Finally...]

DoD: Ahem.

IEM: What?

DoD: Well? What's the decision?

IEM: I'm writing the report.

Scene 6: The Lesson. May 18. The Decider in the comfy chair. MSM at his feet, head resting on his knee. The Nefarioso is around somewhere, in the dark.

DECIDER: You suck.

MSM: You suck. [Beat.] Will you please answer me? I think I deserve to know.

DECIDER: Umtum opal krizzle tug jooboo lomp tromp. Tromp!

MSM: You've ceased making sense to me. What about the way NSA treated DoJ? Are you just going to let him get away with that?

[Somewhere, The Nefarioso clears his throat. MSM ignores it.]

DECIDER: [well-rehearsed] It's a turf battle, plain and simple. These are two grown men with a difference of opinion, and here in the Republican Party, we tolerate all the opinions we can find. We've got a tent here as big as the sky in Texas. I'm not going to swoop down from on high and command these fellas to reach a decision one way or the other. The GAO's working on the answer, and whatever they decide, we'll implement.

MSM: [sheepish] But... I thought you were the decider.

[Somewhere, The Nefarioso growls. MSM ignores it.]

DECIDER: [smirk] I am. But I'm not a tyrant. You got to have respootle froprootle.

MSM: What?

DECIDER: You've got to have respect for the process.

MSM: But what about OPM's contention that DoD's hissy fit is holding up the clearances, thus endangering national security and allowing actual terrorists to go free?

DECIDER: Um.

MSM: [scales dropping from eyes] If you, beloved Decider, continue to allow this to go on, thus preventing people from getting clearances, people like DoJ, who need those clearances to conduct investigations—

DECIDER: Now, let me stop you right there. There are no investigations. DoJ gave up trying to find illegality because there wasn't any to begin with. It was just another effort - which you're aiding and abetting, by the way - to derail the effort to smoke America's enemies out of their holes. And I intend to smoke 'em out. I hate America's enemies. I love America, and anyone who tries to derail the de-holing efforts doesn't. I won't let the de-holing be derailed. I intend to keep the effort on the rails. Because I'm The Conductor. Next question?

MSM: Can I ask a follow up?

NEFARIOSO: Go fuck yourself!

MSM: [scribbling furiously on note pad] Thank you, sir. [MSM rushes offstage.]

DECIDER: Don't mention it. [To audience.] I hope you've learned your lesson.

The Ultimate Packrat

I'm referring, of course, to the NSA. It so happens that they (being the awesome folks they are) are keeping track of everyone who calls me, and whoever I call. They're probably doing that for you to, and your neighbor, and their parents, and their friends, and their priest, and his choir director, and her daughter's boyfriend, and his roommate... etc..., and maybe... juuuuust maybe somewhere in there they're tracking the calls of someone who may have once expressed sympathy for al-Qaeda.

What is even more troubling (on par with how many teenagers think the First Amendment goes too far) is that two out of three of you (in the general sense) don't give two shits about whether or not the government is collecting data about who you're in contact with.

Now mind you, I don't have anything to hide. I talk on the phone occassionally with a couple of my friends, quick calls to my girlfriend, and regular calls to my mother. If the NSA wants to spend time and money figuring that out for themselves, they're dumber for it, but there's nothing nefarious about it.

A diarist over on Kos has summed up why that two-thirds number should be much, much small. Let me say that again: If you think it's okay that the government is randomly collecting data on who you talk to, thus creating the largest database in the world, in an effort to find any potential terrorist activity, you need to go read this thing over on Kos.

Sunday Required Reading

Not much... it's brief, but pretty much encapsulates where I'm at presently: Too. Much. Hyperbole.

From the Washington Post today. Go, read.

I'm at least one in a thousand!

People disgust me.

Alternately, if you pick 1000 people at random, I'll know more about our Constitution than all but one of them.

So say this extraordinarily alarming article.

I'll admit that I have crammed a whole lot of useless information into my head, at the expense of potentially more important things. To wit, Jenn is consistently impressed with my almost infallibility in naming the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation within hearing one or two lines of dialog, at which point I'm 99% of the time able to offer the title of the episode and the season in which it appeared.

But enough about me. This is about you. More to the point, this is about you if you haven't read through the First Amendment of the Constitution. It's really short, but really important. There are lots of places to read it. I recommend going to the source.

You know, I was lamenting with BD just last night about the variety of woes that appear to be befalling our great country and what the motives of the players behind them may be. Now it makes sense.

Folks in positions of power feel free to take bolder and bolder steps to abuse that power because they know they can get away with it. They already know that 0.1% of the public - the voters - even know the most fundamental of their rights as citizens. Far fewer than that know the extent of the government's power - and more importantly, its limits - and they use that overwhelming ignorance to their advantage.

Do yourself a favor... I'm begging you. Please go read the Bill of Rights. Try to process it. If it doesn't get through on first read, or seems hopelessly arcane, do yourself a huge favor and go buy The Words We Live By by Linda Monk. She explains the entire Constitution and brings in relevant, present-day issues in very easy-to-undertstand language.

There really is no excuse for a story like this to ever come out. Join me, won't you, in the One In A Thousand club.

Tonight's SOTU: Liveblogging!

Here's a handy-dandy checklist of things that the President will surely touch on in the address to Congress tonight. It's distilled and adapted from Arianna Huffington's post here. I'll come back afterwards armed with quotes where this actually happened.

1. Iraqi elections are bringing peace to the Middle East (or its corrolary, Democracy is making the world safer); Check. 9:17 PM. Still going on this point at 9:29.
2. The Patriot Act needs to be approved into perpetuity; Check. 9:34 PM. Just didn't say "in perpetuity". But you know he was thinking it.
3. There's nothing about the economy that's going wrong, and; Check. 9:38 PM. Trotting out the numbers for his smoky reflections of dogs and ponies.
4. The tax cuts from 2001 need to be made permanent; Check. 9:41 PM. Nailed this one exactly.
5. Alito is a good choice for the Supreme Court; Check. 9:56 PM.
6. The unwarranted NSA wiretaps were "necessary" and "legal"; Check. 9:35 PM. Falsehoods abound. I'm gonna have to look at the transcript to pull all the individual strands of bullshit apart.
7. Alternative fuels are still a priority in the energy policy. Check. 9:49 PM. Advanced Energy Initiative.

I can safely guess that he probably won't talk about upholding the Fourth Amendment, the First Amendment, the Fourteenth Amendment, or Article II. Just a hunch.

9:00 PM: Might liveblog this a bit. This is a pic I just took (yes, I know my camera sucks) right outside my house. The lit up Capitol is there in the background. No, really. I can see that shit from my house.

9:01 PM: Christ. A huge cheer just went up when they introduced the justices of the SC.

9:12 PM: Where's Tom Delay? Odd that he wasn't seen leading the Prez in on his triumphal entry.

9:14 PM: He dared bring up civility?!? What umnitigated gall.

9:15 PM: This isolationist bit seems to point toward intervention in Iran. Oh boy.

9:16 PM: Only took 4 minutes to bring up 9/11.

9:18 PM: Seems like what he just said about radical, fundamentalist Islam could also be said of their similar ilk in the Christian faith.

9:19 PM: Only the terrorists have adopted the weapon of fear? Me thinks not.

9:26 PM: Missed the past seven minutes, but he's still talking about the military. By the by, there are plenty of examples of veterans of the current Iraqi conflict who disagree. Their service is equally as heroic, but I don't see them in the chamber.

9:31 PM: On Iran now. Sounds like he's dropping the gauntlet. Translation: "We'll be at war in six months."

9:37 PM: Really pounding away on the anti-isolation thing. Is this really what the debate has been about? Isolationism?

9:39 PM: Here comes the economic policy stuff. It's titled, "How I Will Outspend All Liberals From the Past 40 Years."

9:41 PM: I wonder what he considers "nonessential priorities" as he's talking about programs he's going to cut.

9:43 PM: What?!? Didn't the Supreme Court rule the Line-Item Veto an unconstitutional breach of the separation of powers? Is this a thinly-veiled play to put even more power in the hands of his own Imperial Presidency.

9:44 PM: Ah, yes... he pulled out the "put aside partisan politics" canard. I'd almost forgotten to expect that one.

9:49 PM: Just went 6 for 7 in my checklist. Hot damn. [PS: My attention is starting to fade.]

9:53 PM: This is my own little pet issue, but why is there only such a damned focus on math and science in education. These are not the only things to life.

9:54 PM: Did he just try to take credit for the welfare reduction? And I need to pull out that graph from Atlantic about abortion and teen pregnancy rates... I think they've actually gone up during his administration.

9:55 PM: Ooohhh, goody. He's talking about the Culture War! This is going to be AWESOME.

9:56 PM: Seven for seven, bitches! I'm going to apply for positions over at Roll Call tomorrow.

9:58 PM: Creating human-animal hybrids? Is this really happening? Because I wanna see that freakshow!

9:58 PM: Oh, be still my heart. Trust in public officials. Hey King George XLIII, how 'bout letting folks see those pics of you and Jack? Or letting photogs you're not personally paying into White House events. What have you got to hide? Hmm? HMMM???

10:00 PM: Can't say the dude doesn't have balls. He actually brought up New Orleans. Can't say that many people associate him and that city in a positive way.

10:02 PM: There's that weird phrase again, a "Period of Consequence." I don't know why, but it makes me nervous. In sort of a DoubleSpeak kind of way.

10:03 PM: Mercifully short. But yes, God (or whomever) Bless America.

10:07 PM: Dammit! I went 7 for 7 on my checklist and liveblogged the whole damn speech, and not a one of you saw it.

Poor Richard's Poker Genius (Subtitled)

#1 Who knew: SU went and got cool.

I wonder if they'll be offering this as a correspondence course in the near future.

#2: Happy 300th Birthday to Benjamin Franklin. You were prescient enough to warn us about the problems a lack of civility would leave us with. Too bad no one in power actually read your warnings. Ah, civil discourse, we hardly knew thee. You magnificient bastard.

#3: G4TV became my new favorite station today. I tuned in around 8:00 this morning, looking to catch a little of Washington Journal. But the cable's been screwed up of late, and C-SPAN's currently unwatchable. So I start tooling down the dial and I stumble across Kaiju Big Battel. If you don't know what Kaiju Big Battel is, then I am a better person for prompting you with this link: Become a better person. Think Japanese B-monster flicks meets American pro wrestling circa 1987.

Following a Fighto!, G4 went directly into an episode of Beast Wars. Without commercials (a few words occassionally for other shows on G4, but no real ads). Fuck'n great. TV made for me. You know, since I seem incapable of watching four hours of 24 in two days, and have thus relegated myself to either a season of going, "now who's that guy again," or ultimately giving up by saying, "well, no, this show really isn't plausible."

#4: I ♥ Atlantic Monthly. They're celebrating their sesquicentennial this year, and in celebration are re-publishing excerpts of articles that have appeared in the magazine over its history. In the current issue, there's a fantastic article from September 1891 by Woodrow Wilson (yeah, the president... he was lowly college professor when he wrote for the Atlantic) about, essentially, pursuing your own genius. I'll provide a link to the article, but you need to be a subscriber to the magazine to read the whole thing. (See update below.) The best part, though, is Wilson's closing paragraph:

The ability to see for one's self is attainable, not by mixing with crowds and ascertaining how they look at things, but by a certain aloofness and self-containment. The solitariness of some genius is not accidental; it is characteristic and essential. To the constructive imagination there are some immortal feats which are possible only in seclusion. The man must heed first and most of all the suggestions of his own spirit; and the world can be seen from windows overlooking the street better than from the street itself.

He's talking specifically about how what we contemporaneously consider good books in the here & now become immortal works remembered through the ages. But taken more generally, I find it to be an encouragement to that inner genius we all possess - in some of us (ahem), it manifests itself in what folks today might call geekdom. I think, especially as we - and I'm talking chiefly of the GenXers among us - went through our latter high school and early collegiate careers, we fought to try to find that balance, finding an appropriate voice for that genius. And Wilson's point was precisely this: fuck appropriate.
Seriously, this article should be required reading for all high school junior english students. At least, that's when I could have benefitted from it the most.

UPDATE (8:44 AM, 18.jan): As a reader points out in comments, dopes like me can pay for the subscription, but you can read it for free. Atlantic is posting the excerpts from their celebration online at this page. The link to the Wilson article can be found here. So go, read!

Three reasons I'm getting profoundly disenchanted by politics.

Reason 1) Which is more un-American: to criticize the war effort where it is not succeeding, or call for a terrorist attack in an American city? To wit, check out the Media Matters and Think Progress coverage of Bill O'Reilly of late. Of interest are his call to allow al-Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco, his statement the next day defending the comments, and his statement yesterday saying that it was all "satire". (He also tried rewriting history on his TV show by omitting the most offensive remarks addressing the controversy then acting indignant because he hadn't said anything offensive or potentially treacherous.)

I'm just really fed up with conservative pundits continuing to assert that efforts to criticize the war effort are, in and of themselves, un-American, when some of them are actually advocating the murder of American citizens.

Reason 2) The lunacy is no longer relegated to the Lunatic Fringe. Capitol Hill Blue had a report a few days about a strategy memo circulated among "senior Republican leaders" that discussed how to rally public support for the war effort. Most of the ideas appear to be mostly harmless, legitimate efforts to try and make their case, but in one particularly egregious instance their strategizing moves into a very nefarious area. One way, the memo states, that American support would return to the President would be via another terrorist attack on the US.

Just so we're clear about this: the leadership of the ruling party of the country says that another terrorist attack and the time of "national shock and sorrow" would validate the war effort. I really hope, and generally suspect, that these leaders don't want another terrorist attack in the States. But for them to even think this way - of turning a 9/11-style tragedy toward some perverse political gain - is the height of repugnant behavior. It also confirms - as if it needed any more confirmation - that the ruling members of the ruling party have been completely taken over by a conservative (or, perhaps, neo-conservative) movement that used to sit on the sidelines of the national debate screaming about not letting black children attend school with white kids and blowing up doctors and patients.

Reason 3) Our President's steadfast refusal to acknowledge reality. There was a news story over the weekend, the style of which generally makes my eyes glaze over. But this one was important to our understanding of this administration. The Vice President met with Ahmed Chalabi. Aside from the fact that the two are probably the most detestable figures in the Iraq war, and between them they likely have enough potential criminal convictions to give them jail sentences that could match that of a serial marijuana user, the tone of meeting is what is particularly galling.

Chalabi, you may recall, was the guy on whose "intelligence" a lot of White House policy was based with regard to WMD. When we started finding scads and scads of not-weapons (i.e., sand) in Iraq, Chalabi got tossed aside as the fraud and opportunist he was. That was the smart, correct thing to do: disassociate yourself from fraudulent people who tell you lies.

So, of course, he's back, and having meetings with Cheney at the White House. (I don't know if that is more wrong, or more dumb. It's a shitload of both.) And why, pray tell, was Chalabi at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW? According to Byron York, it was to discuss Iraq's WMDs. You know, all those WMDs that were used as evidence to get us into the Iraq War in the first place. All those WMDs that weren't used on American troops. All those WMDs we have not found. All those WMDs that the addendum to the Duelfer report say never existed. All those WMDs that, according to York (writer for the conservative mag National Review, a friendly voice in the wilderness for the Bush White House), folks in the White House still believe we will find.

But only some folks. Not Stephen Hadley, who is the President's National Security Adviser. He was on Late Edition this past Sunday. And you know what he said?:

HADLEY: ... Turns out we were wrong.

About WMDs! That's what he's talking about! That's what the veep, at the very least, was talking to Chalabi that very day about finding in Iraq. (The entire text of Hadley's remarks are at the link. This shocking admission comes in the second paragraph of Hadley's first answer. You know, get the bad shit out of the way first. Like a band-aid... one-rip, RIGHT OFF!)

Either Hadley didn't get the talking points for the day about the meeting, hasn't been told that the WMDs actually are there actively hiding from us, or - most likely - this administration cannot get its act together enough to stop contradicting themselves on a daily basis.

Not only does the Bush team steadfastly refuse to acknowledge reality, they cannot agree on which un-reality they believe in.

---

Now, all of that said, I'm very tired about it all. It's taken me over two weeks to synthesize any of this, and I keep coming back to the same shit all over again every time. I have other shit going on in my life. Most of it's good, but I haven't been writing about it because I sit here with 14 tabs open in Mozilla with pages of stuff from all over the place (an exercise I conduct with unbearable frequency) that continually tell me the same thing. So I'm done with writing about politics for a while. If you're reading this for politics, go elsewhere. There are a billion and a half other places more insightful than I am. I'm just done.